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Thank You - Quizzical Looks

Dec. 19th, 2006

10:02 pm - Thank You

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Thank you everyone for your condolences and hugs and prayers over the weekend. :)

I hope you'll forgive me if I reply here instead of to each comment. I do feel the need to write, but at the same time I just can't handle too much writing of it, you know? I'm still finding the emails to some old army mates hard to do, and I can't face the Family Tree Maker program...

Ok, where to start... Dad had already been started on the morphine by the time we got there, and the dose was increased as time went on. He wouldn't have realised that he couldn't cough anything up normally and had to have his mouth swabbed/suctioned every so often (that's what happened to make them call). He was only in pain once the first day when he was being turned and a pump had stopped working, after that he was just settled further and further.

Saturday morning I had wanted to go and freshen up a bit (having been in the hospital over a day), but the nurses said I mightn't want to even take the time having a quick wash, that's how close and settled they saw him as being. By this time they'd taken him off the oxygen, which wasn't helping anymore. A couple of hours later they came in to give him a quick clean up and turn him. Mum and I went out to the lounge to give them some space. A few minutes later they came to get us, and we held his hands as he took his last breaths. Yes, it was hard to watch, but I can't imagine not having been there. I don't think I could've forgiven myself if I hadn't been.

It's strange. All this time we were given estimates - two months, two weeks, and so on. Last week whenever I heard Mum talk about Dad's condition on the phone, I thought maybe we should bring the family get-together forward a few days (especially since the 21st is actually his birthday). I would have liked him to make it that long, but once we got to the hospital and saw his condition there, I just wanted him to let go. He was alive for all that time (from the fact we were called in early-morning, I was surprised he made it to sunrise at first), but it wasn't really life for him. He was a soldier, independent. The most he wanted people to do for him was to get him a cup of coffee, I can't imagine what he'd think of the level of care needed at the end. Indeed, he was still insisting he could manage to clean up himself when he was at home, and still trying to talk rather than write.

So, the funeral is tomorrow - managed to find a director for about half the price of the company that Grandpa used (he pre-paid his). No frills, but Dad was specific about getting as cheap as possible - if he'd had the strength, he would've probably gone down to WA Salvage, bought some wood, and built the casket himself. We can use some of the money saved towards a plaque at Karrakatta. Of course, I won't actually see the eulogy I'm meant to be giving until about three hours beforehand. :lol: Not to mention adding my own notes to it, and anything Dad's sisters might phone through. So, big and long day tomorrow.

Oh, and I got to a scanner yesterday (had to go in to work to put in the leave paperwork, change over the computer stuff and clear desk-stuff and all), so I've edited in a photo to the last entry like I said I would.

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Comments:

[User Picture]
From:crusherdisciple
Date:December 19th, 2006 02:04 pm (UTC)
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Keep checking in as much as you can. You're going through so much right
now that it's nice to be able to keep tabs on you.

And [[[[hugs]]]] and well wishes from my direction.
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From:seandc
Date:December 22nd, 2006 01:18 pm (UTC)
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Thanks for the well-wishes and *hugs* - I have been meaning to complete the post about the funeral, just I seem to be a bit easily-distracted at the moment - woops!
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From:huntingdon
Date:December 19th, 2006 03:17 pm (UTC)
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Hang in there.
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From:seandc
Date:December 22nd, 2006 01:20 pm (UTC)
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Thanks - I got through ok, I just did what needed doing and what Dad wanted, nothing else for it.
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From:vesta_sgc
Date:December 19th, 2006 03:25 pm (UTC)
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I hope he didn't suffer.

You'll do fine with the eulogy. Hang in there, and I hope you found your piobreachd.

**HUGS**
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From:seandc
Date:December 22nd, 2006 01:23 pm (UTC)
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He didn't, like I said, plenty of morphine to keep him away from it.

Yeah, I was told I did very well with the eulogy, I just did what Dad wanted me to do. And yes, we used The Dark Island, thanks for the suggestion!

*hugs*
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From:orac_zen
Date:December 19th, 2006 07:21 pm (UTC)
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I'll be thinking of you today.

Hang in there, Sean. *** hugs ***
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From:seandc
Date:December 22nd, 2006 01:47 pm (UTC)
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Thank you; and we made it through ok, although a bit exhausted at the end of it all! *hugs*
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From:ulva
Date:December 19th, 2006 09:18 pm (UTC)
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*hugs*

Good to hear from you. I hope the funeral will be a beautiful event...
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From:seandc
Date:December 22nd, 2006 01:56 pm (UTC)
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Thank you, I think it went well, had everything needed and the size of the chapel seemed just right - rather than a large partially empty one, having a smaller place with people standing suited Dad more. *hugs back*
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